Memory

Everyday I have that same memory,
The same memory that's playing right inside of me ,
Questioning whether it's a dream or reality,
Or whether it was really just the death of me ,

Everyone thought there's no way that could be,
To everyone else I was still happy and breathing,
But to me, it was a massive change of scenery,
I didn't have the strength to get up and leave my bed you see,

The way I gained weight gave me even lower self esteem,
I didn't want to go into college with everyone judging me,
They would see me smile but that was all they were seeing ,
They'd question why I would still be partying and drinking,

But to me that was my only way of escaping,
The aching and all the thoughts I was shaping,
I guess you could say I'm good at pretending and faking,
Because those were the rumours they were making,

Nothing has ever hit me this deep,
I'm telling you after this I could barely even sleep,
Everywhere.. is where I would weep,
From college,to the bus and to my bed sheets,
I never thought anything like this would ever happen to me,
It's like I felt a bullet go right
through me ,

Telling myself that it was the wrong place wrong timing,
That he didn't even realise and to him it was satisfying,
Meanwhile inside I could feel myself dying,
I felt so weak when I was shouting and crying,

Hoping and wishing that he would stop,
Thinking that maybe this was all my fault,
There was nowhere I could go he had me on lock,
Punched me twice in my stomach l was in shock,

Punched my face but I loved it,
At this moment pain was my absolute favourite,
Depression hitting me at 16,
My friends and family were nowhere to be seen,
I was only young you see,
I kept telling myself "it's just a dream",
And maybe I was just being extreme.