Addiction

I finally prevented myself drinking again
Drinking whenever I am around men
I faced something I thought I never thought I'd be able to face again
Even though my anxiety was kicking in

After what had happened to me I thought that was the only solution
To make me feel comfortable in an environment I'm not comfortable in
To do things that I wouldn't normally be doing
To forget the reality of what I was facing

I caved in drink so that it could help with forgetting
But then I realised there was just more mistakes I was making
The same mistakes from which I should be learning
But I make them again thinking that it could be helping
Helping me get over a situation by doing it again
But it became more of an addiction

An addiction I thought would help me get over it
An addiction that helps you forget
A way that helps you do things that you won't remember so there's nothing to regret
But really I'm still scared of what could happen next

So I choose to drink and allow him to come in
Instead of there being a forced entry and my windows being broken
It was my choice I chose for it to happen
I initiated it, I wasn't taken advantage of

Because I'm scared of the same thing happening again
So instead of saying no I'll go along with it and pretend
Because my windows couldn't be more broken
There's no glass left
My soul has been stolen
My hearts stopped beating in my chest



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